I was reading a real estate listing for a nearby property when I started to laugh. The “real estate speak” used in the description was incredible! I think every positive adjective in the Thesaurus must have been used! So, I continued the theme by using a bunch of exclamation marks in my intro . . .
“Tranquil” “Peaceful” “Serene” “Mature” . . .
Here is my translation: A bunch of old people live here . . .😏
I asked a couple of real estate agent friends to translate what real estate sales folks say or write and what they really mean.
Before I show you what they said, YOU try it. Translate this property description into “real people” speak:
- Welcome to this beautifully renovated and redesigned gem, perfectly nestled on a large corner lot in the peaceful ____ neighborhood. Beyond its stunning 2020 transformation, this home has seen even more recent updates, making it truly turn-key. Featuring a brand-new roof, all new electrical panels, a new pool pump, a newer HVAC system and water heater, and a newer pool heater, this 1-story ranch home is designed for comfort, convenience, and worry-free living. Say goodbye to the outdated galley kitchen and formal living/dining rooms—this home’s new floorplan is all about modern living! The reimagined design now showcases a spacious, open-concept kitchen/dining area paired with a private, front-facing office. The former galley kitchen has been transformed into a stunning scullery (a second kitchen), offering ample storage with a built-in pantry and open shelving, a full-size sink, and a 2nd dishwasher, all discreetly tucked behind pocket doors for when extra privacy is needed. The main kitchen is a chef’s dream, boasting a massive island wrapped in storage and draped in luxurious quartz waterfall countertops. Top-of-the-line integrated appliances, open wood shelving, and chic Restoration Hardware lighting create a space that’s both functional and stylish. The kitchen seamlessly opens to the large dining area, where a cozy wood-burning fireplace adds warmth and charm to your meals. At the rear of the home, the sun-drenched living room is a showstopper, framed by floor-to-ceiling windows and elegant French doors that lead to the pool and fully fenced backyard—perfect for indoor-outdoor living and entertaining. Off the living spaces, a hallway leads to 4 bedrooms and 2 full baths. Past the 3 secondary bedrooms and full hall bath, the primary suite sits at the end of the hall, featuring a custom walk-in closet and a bright, modern bathroom with separate vanities and a glass shower. Outside, the heated pool and fully fenced backyard offer year-round enjoyment, with an open patio perfect for lounging. The oversized, side-entry, 2-car garage with newer epoxy flooring provides ample space for storage, and just inside, a convenient laundry/mudroom includes a ½ bath and direct access to the backyard and pool. Located minutes from the Maitland Ave/Blvd Exchange and with quick access to I-4, this home effortlessly combines community charm with easy commutes.
Did you find a lot of words you could use for your translation? I found these: renovated, redesigned, nestled, peaceful, stunning, recent, turn-key, comfort, convenience, worry-free, modern, reimagined, spacious, open-concept, stunning, ample storage, chef’s dream, massive island, luxurious, chic, functional, stylish, cozy, sun-drenched, showstopper, elegant, bright, modern, oversized 2-car garage, community charm, easy commutes.
- Also, did you also notice that the description repeated “open shelving” and “convenient”? I didn’t realize that “open shelving” was that big of a deal, but what do I know?
Here are real estate agent interpretations of these and other phrases.
- “Water view” = can barely see water . . . which may be a retention pond . . .
- “Tranquil” and “Serene” and “Peaceful” = too quiet? (see old people live here comment, above)
- “Mature Landscaping” = completely overgrown (a yard maintenance crew’s worst nightmare)
- Reimagined = someone has a weird idea of a home improvement project
- “Sun-drenched” and “bright” = no window covers
What about you? Have you seen some real estate descriptions that look like the listing agent is sugar-coating the home???
POST UPDATE:
Look what I found in the newspaper the day this post was published! “Real Estate Speak” is everywhere!!
In my opinion one can never use too many exclamation points!!!!
Your interpretation is hilarious! Always so many lines to read between when looking at listings. Overall reads mid-century remodel, yes old and ‘resurfaced’. Could be an absolute gem…may be lipstick on a pig (to channel my inner Sarah Palin). What I love the most is I now understand why cooking can be tiring at times. It’s the constant opening and closing of all the cabinet doors…whew!!! What to do about that…and the refrigerator. When is someone going to come up with a swipe-to-open fridge door? And how would that look in a new listing?!!!
I love your version! Including your “lipstick on a pig” reference, and the multiple cabinet doors efforts. That makes me really laugh. Here I was, thinking that cabinet doors were beneficial by hiding things. Maybe they just create more work? Too funny.
And I do love your idea about a swipe-to-open refrigerator. Scary, though, if I just walk by and the fridge opens. Like those kitchen sink faucets that turn on if you put your hand under it, not meaning for water to appear.
Pros and cons to remodeling!
Great post! I also noted the use of the words “new” and “newer” with no explanatory time frame. How old is something that is “new?” Is it less than a month, six months or less, a year or less, two years or less? The term “newer” is even more vague. I remember a listing that described the windows in a house as “newer.” They were well over ten years old but they were “newer” because they were not the original windows the house originally came with.
There were a few other things that stuck out to me. For example, the word “cozy” usually means “small.” The term “open shelving” to me means there are no cabinets so if you want your plates, glasses, pots, pans, etc. to not look like clutter you better make sure they are constantly put away and stacked properly because you can’t just shove them in a cabinet and close the door.
I also couldn’t help wondering what kind of “privacy” would be needed while using the second kitchen since it was tucked behind pocket doors. Is that where one goes to create “scandalous” meals or just meals that are so awful-tasting you don’t want anyone to see you making them? LOL!
Sales-speak is definitely an art in the real estate world. My daughter has a masters in Creative Writing and I would definitely put real estate listings in the category of “creative writing.”
Hi, Laura!
I hadn’t thought about the “new” versus “newer,” but your example is perfect! Newer than the originals?? Yeow. Words to the wise, for sure.
Cozy is definitely “small.” As in, too small. Maybe because of the “massive” island?
Your description of the meals prepared in the second kitchen is a hoot!
Very Funny about “real estate speak” = “creative writing” 😄!
Super important to be literate in this topic! The general term is sometimes called a “Russel Conjugate,” it’s the way we use different words that are synonyms, but evoke different emotions.
“Lonely” versus “private,” for a home, etc. But also good to keep an eye out for Russel Conjugates when reading any piece of media and see who’s trying to evoke which emotions.
Adam,
How fun to learn about a “Russel Conjugate”! “Lonely” versus “private” is a great example.
And a great lesson about paying attention to the different emotions created by different synonyms. My Adult Literacy League students and I work with synonyms and their different uses, but I hadn’t focused that maybe one of the reasons for the different uses might be because of the different emotions that are triggered when reading / hearing the different synonyms.
Thanks for the input!
Haven’t heard of Russel Conjugates. Thanks Adam!
In Nashville, we would see a lot of postings that said “up and coming”, which could mean a neighborhood in the process of gentrification or even an area with high crime rates. Funny because almost all of us know what these euphemisms mean, but one would never be blunt like that in an RE ad.
I think you’re right, Eric, about not being too blunt in a real estate ad. Too bad, though. I might like to read exactly what the RE agent thinks (unless it’s about my house, of course . . . 😉).