Words, Words, Words
I was reading a real estate listing for a nearby property when I started to laugh. The “real estate speak” used in the description was incredible! I think every positive adjective in the Thesaurus must have been used! So, I continued the theme by using a bunch of exclamation marks in my intro . . .
“Tranquil” “Peaceful” “Serene” “Mature” . . .
Here is my translation: A bunch of old people live here . . .😏
I asked a couple of real estate agent friends to translate what real estate sales folks say or write and what they really mean.
Before I show you what they said, YOU try it. Translate this property description into “real people” speak:
- Welcome to this beautifully renovated and redesigned gem, perfectly nestled on a large corner lot in the peaceful ____ neighborhood. Beyond its stunning 2020 transformation, this home has seen even more recent updates, making it truly turn-key. Featuring a brand-new roof, all new electrical panels, a new pool pump, a newer HVAC system and water heater, and a newer pool heater, this 1-story ranch home is designed for comfort, convenience, and worry-free living. Say goodbye to the outdated galley kitchen and formal living/dining rooms—this home’s new floorplan is all about modern living! The reimagined design now showcases a spacious, open-concept kitchen/dining area paired with a private, front-facing office. The former galley kitchen has been transformed into a stunning scullery (a second kitchen), offering ample storage with a built-in pantry and open shelving, a full-size sink, and a 2nd dishwasher, all discreetly tucked behind pocket doors for when extra privacy is needed. The main kitchen is a chef’s dream, boasting a massive island wrapped in storage and draped in luxurious quartz waterfall countertops. Top-of-the-line integrated appliances, open wood shelving, and chic Restoration Hardware lighting create a space that’s both functional and stylish. The kitchen seamlessly opens to the large dining area, where a cozy wood-burning fireplace adds warmth and charm to your meals. At the rear of the home, the sun-drenched living room is a showstopper, framed by floor-to-ceiling windows and elegant French doors that lead to the pool and fully fenced backyard—perfect for indoor-outdoor living and entertaining. Off the living spaces, a hallway leads to 4 bedrooms and 2 full baths. Past the 3 secondary bedrooms and full hall bath, the primary suite sits at the end of the hall, featuring a custom walk-in closet and a bright, modern bathroom with separate vanities and a glass shower. Outside, the heated pool and fully fenced backyard offer year-round enjoyment, with an open patio perfect for lounging. The oversized, side-entry, 2-car garage with newer epoxy flooring provides ample space for storage, and just inside, a convenient laundry/mudroom includes a ½ bath and direct access to the backyard and pool. Located minutes from the Maitland Ave/Blvd Exchange and with quick access to I-4, this home effortlessly combines community charm with easy commutes.
Did you find a lot of words you could use for your translation? I found these: renovated, redesigned, nestled, peaceful, stunning, recent, turn-key, comfort, convenience, worry-free, modern, reimagined, spacious, open-concept, stunning, ample storage, chef’s dream, massive island, luxurious, chic, functional, stylish, cozy, sun-drenched, showstopper, elegant, bright, modern, oversized 2-car garage, community charm, easy commutes.
- Also, did you also notice that the description repeated “open shelving” and “convenient”? I didn’t realize that “open shelving” was that big of a deal, but what do I know?
Here are real estate agent interpretations of these and other phrases.
- “Water view” = can barely see water . . . which may be a retention pond . . .
- “Tranquil” and “Serene” and “Peaceful” = too quiet? (see old people live here comment, above)
- “Mature Landscaping” = completely overgrown (a yard maintenance crew’s worst nightmare)
- Reimagined = someone has a weird idea of a home improvement project
- “Sun-drenched” and “bright” = no window covers
What about you? Have you seen some real estate descriptions that look like the listing agent is sugar-coating the home???
POST UPDATE:
Look what I found in the newspaper the day this post was published! “Real Estate Speak” is everywhere!!
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